


the taunting blue sky

by autumndee



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Grief, Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, background maiko and kataang, eventual tokka, rated for later chapters, this hurt to write
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:54:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24671917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/autumndee/pseuds/autumndee
Summary: Sokka remembered every sickening detail of that first day as though he were constantly reliving it. For a long while, he supposed, he did. Suki was gone, and everything was shit.A companion piece to "those quiet, chilly mornings"
Relationships: Aang/Katara (Avatar), Mai/Zuko (Avatar), Sokka/Suki (Avatar), Toph Beifong/Sokka
Comments: 30
Kudos: 137





	1. Chapter 1

Sokka remembered every sickening detail of that first day as though he were constantly reliving it. For a long while, he supposed, he did. Each time he went to sleep, he found himself sitting in his Cranefish office again, watching the two sisters who lived across the way kick a ball back and forth in the street. It was a nice day- the first one in the spring where it felt warm enough to cast aside winter coats, and he was playing with the idea of asking his sister if she wanted to bring the baby and go on a walk with him along the edge of the city once he was done with all his work for the day. Then they could find a noodle stand for dinner, he thought, and take Bumi somewhere quiet and grassy to run and play while they ate.

His planning was interrupted though, by the sound of running footsteps down the hall, and his office door bursting open. Zuko’s hair was dishevelled, his clothes askew. His chest heaved- he must have been running for a long while. All the color in his face was drained, and he looked at his friend with an expression of terrible, undiluted pity, as though he were a dying animal. Then, he said the words that made Sokka’s heart slide straight down into his stomach. 

“It’s Suki.” He caught his breath. “You need to come.”

He was on his feet at the word _Suki_. Zuko told him what happened as they tore out of the Southern Water Embassy and away from the city center, toward the treeline on the road to Yu Dao. 

“Ozai loyalists.” Was what he managed to get out between panting breaths. “Wanted to kill me...find my sister and put her on the throne…We chased them into the woods…” 

The dense buildings of the city thinned out as they reached the outskirts, drawing nervous stares from passersby. The firelord continued. “...There was eight of them and three of us. They were like shadows, and they had these _bombs_. Not like anything I’ve ever seen before. We got separated in the woods, and-” 

They turned a final corner, and the scene came into view. At first glance the trees looked as they always did, fuzzy green buds ready to give way to leaves in the balmy spring air. Birds soared overhead, a sweet-smelling breeze blew by. But there was something else, something _metallic_ in the air. Behind the thick wall of timber, smoke rose faintly from the treetops, marring the clear sky with its sooty wisps. 

A group of spectators had gathered to investigate, they stood in clumps and clung to the edges of buildings, watching the events unfold. Sokka noticed Aang, a blot of orange robes beneath his glider, soar in a circle overhead and then dive out of sight below the branches near where the smoke originated. Then he recognized Katara among the bystanders, crouched down in the group on the side of the road leading into the trees, the one that seemed to be crowded around something. Or, he realized, his eyes widening- _someone._

“Sokka.” When Zuko spoke, his voice was distorted, as though it came from underwater. “I’m so, _so_ sorry…” 

He felt a hand on his shoulder, but only for a split second, because he broke into a sprint; the only thing that existed was the tight group he ran for, he _had_ to get to its center, he wasn’t running fast enough, he was failing, he-

“Sokka.” Katara’s voice, ordinarily so gentle and steady, shook. “I’ve tried everything, but it was too...I was too late.” 

They were all too late, him more than anyone. He couldn’t protect her. Again. And there he was, falling to his knees at the side of the love of his life, who laid still, not even a breath rising from her chest. He seized her hand, so small and soft despite the years of battle it had endured, and silently swore to the spirits everything he had if it would just squeeze back.

“I’m so sorry, Sokka.” He heard his sister again, and her arms went tight around him as he fell apart completely. 

Yes, he’d remember every awful moment of that afternoon until he died. The subsequent days, though, those were all a blur that weighed on him like a vice. 

He wasn’t sure how they got to Kyoshi Island, or even when they left Cranefish at all. When they arrived they stayed at an unfamiliar house at night, and during the day they went to the place where Suki stayed when she was off duty, to go through her things. Someone, usually Katara, but he remembered Aang a couple of times, and Zuko and Toph once, too, was always at his side, making sure he ate at least a little of his meals and didn’t wander off too far. At one point they gave him a tea that tasted of bitter cherries and made him sleep with no dreams to wake him up in a cold sweat. 

Later on he was told that the funeral was beautiful, but as he stood there near the island shore, he couldn’t feel the sun on his neck nor the wind in his hair. He didn’t listen to the speeches from her fellow warriors, from the Avatar and the Firelord, all of whom praised her unwavering loyalty and bravery, the fierce way she defended her friendships, her heroism in ending the hundred years’ war. How she’d died exactly as she’d lived- if it had to be the end, she was bringing each and every one of those eight assassins down with her. 

No, the only thing he remembered of the funeral was the smell of Katara’s seaweed lotion on her hands, how it irritated him that she _dare_ smell good, that anything that might bring him comfort existed at all in a world that was so obviously wrong in every way. Even the blue sky taunted him with its cheeriness. 

Afterward he sat there awhile while the other guests cleared out, some stopping to give him their gentle condolences while others simply walked by with no idea who he was. It was the ones that stopped that pissed him off the most. If they really understood how he felt, they would know that half-assed niceties from strangers meant nothing and helped even less. 

When Katara and Aang had to leave, he didn’t blame them. Bumi was still a baby; he needed his parents. Still, their departure left him with nobody to hold onto, nobody to give him a semblance of grounding. 

That was how he found himself at the village’s only bar.

It was a place he was only half-familiar with, having been there with Suki only a handful of times over the years. Her ghost seemed to linger all over the island, running down the path toward him from the Kyoshi Warrior building, laughing at him from a branch high in the treetops, smiling at him through every open window. Pieces of her were everywhere there, hanging on him like a shroud. He was desperate to escape, and yet, it felt like betrayal to leave. 

“House ale.” He spoke as soon as he dropped into the room’s only available seat. The bar was packed, it seemed that half the funeral had flocked there as soon as the service ended. It was too loud, too boisterous, but being annoyed with the noise was at least bearable- being left alone in silence was not. 

“I was wondering if I would see you here.” The woman’s voice was somber, but not in the saccharine, forced way the other mourners were. “How are you holding up, Sokka?” 

When he didn’t answer, she turned to the bartender and spoke to him, instead. “Put his drinks on Fire Lord Zuko’s tab. He’s an old friend.”

“You don’t need to do that, Mai.” With a single gulp, he swallowed half his drink. 

“I know I don’t. But I can, so I’m doing it.” 

From the corner of his eye he saw the clean ivory silk of her robes. He’d forgotten that white was the traditional color Fire nationals wore to their funerals. Her hand, pale and slender, rested at her front, draped over the round swell of her pregnant stomach. He’d also forgotten about that. 

It had happened before, with his mother, and then again with Yue. In grief, the details, the proof that life goes on, those things tended to fall away. Even the joyful things, like a new baby, gutted him even more. It just meant that the world would always keep turning, and it would leave his love behind. 

“Is Zuko here?” 

“There was only one seat.” He didn’t look up, but she must have nodded. “So he told me to take it and he’d find another. So he’s somewhere in here.”

“Mm.” Sokka finished his ale, and signalled the bartender for a new one. Kyoshi Island wasn’t known for its brews; the stuff tasted horrible. But like everything else there, the taste reminded him of Suki, of nights that back then never seemed to end, them laughing until their sides hurt and then finding a quiet place to be together under the stars…

If he’d been around to save her, they could have been doing that now. But he hadn’t been fast enough. By the time he’d even known she was in danger, it was too late. He was too late.

 _Zuko_ was too late. 

If the Fire Lord had come to him faster, or sent for him the second there was trouble, perhaps he’d still have Suki at his side, with her quick smile and sparkling eyes and sweet bark of a laugh. His delay was the reason she was gone, and here he was at her funeral, flashing his cash and his beautiful pregnant wife and making speeches that didn’t help anyone, or bring her back. 

He had been numb for days, but there was something else there now. 

_Anger_. 

“Mai.” He said, still keeping his gaze on the weathered wood wall across from him. “I’m sorry about this.” 

With a deep breath he stood, and searched the bar. The sounds, the smells, the hodgepodge of funeral attire from all over the world, they were all a grayish haze. Zuko was easy to spot, though- other than his wife, he was the only one in white. 

Sokka went straight to him, pushing through clusters of patrons, causing spilled drinks and dark stares shot his way. 

“Sokka.” Zuko began to greet him, “I’ve been meaning to-”

“This is your fault.” He spat in retort, raising his fist and letting it fly. The sound of it slamming into his jaw, and the subsequent shattering of his tankard as it hit the floor, were the first clear sounds he’d heard in days.

* * *

Zuko did nothing to defend himself. In later years Sokka would regret what he did, but in the moment, while he drowned in his grief and searched for a reason to cling to, somewhere to place his blame. And Zuko, he’d realized inside that stuffy island bar, was the last person who had been with Suki while she was still alive. 

He pulled back his arm to hit him again, but this time someone caught him, grabbing his wrist in midair. He struggled at first, but whoever held his arm was stronger than he was, and quickly he realized there was no point in trying to break free. 

“You! Out!” The bartender rushed to them, red faced and pointing at the door. 

“Give him a break.” It was another woman’s voice, this one higher, but rougher than Mai’s. “He was her boyfriend.”

“I don’t care who was whose boyfriend, there’s no fighting in my bar!”

“Fine. We’re leaving. Come on, let’s walk.” 

He felt himself being pulled away from Zuko, from the angry bartender and the staring customers, and soon he was outside again, blinking as his eyes adjusted to the light. It was different now, though. Before he’d gone inside, the quiet was isolating. Now, it lent clarity. 

He looked down at the owner of the hand gripping his shoulder. Toph was dressed simply, a black robe that swept the ground, with her bangs pinned away from her face. Her jade eyes, unseeing but as sharp as ever, stared out over the rows of cottages, but he could feel her attention unwaveringly on him. “Where are you staying?”

He didn’t answer her, he couldn’t. For a week now he’d been carried around by his Aang and Katara. They’d fed him, packed his clothes, arranged for lodging. They’d told him when to bathe and where to sleep. Before they left, they’d asked him if he’d be alright for a few days on his own. He’d answered in the affirmative. That, he realized, had been a lie. 

“Alright.” Toph exhaled, “I’ve got a room outside of town. We’ll figure out where your things are later.” 

She led the way through the village, letting go of his arm as she started down the hill. She didn’t make small talk, or treat him like he was made of glass, but she was still gentle in the way she walked, how every so often she looked over her shoulder, even though she knew whether or not he was following her without doing so. 

He wasn’t sure how long they walked, but Kyoshi Island was a relatively small place, so it couldn’t have been an extraordinarily long time. The inn was near the shore, not far from the place he’d first landed on the island with Aang and Katara as children. The place he’d first met Suki. He tried not to think too hard about that day as he went with Toph through the building’s foyer and into a small, plain room on the first floor. 

“Sit.” She told him, gesturing toward the unmade bed. He did so, and watched her for a moment as she slid out of her robes and tossed them aside, leaving her in just the silvery green slip she wore underneath. She pulled the pins loose from her hair and let it fall over her face and shoulders, spilling down her back like an inky curtain. 

“I didn’t see you at the-” He stopped, unable to bring himself to say the word _funeral._ “I thought you left. Went back to the academy.” 

“I was there.” Toph assured him. She didn’t sit or really move at all, just stood opposite him with her arms crossed. “Just kept my distance. You didn’t need more noise.” 

He didn’t respond to that, just looked down at his hands. They felt strange, too heavy but weightless at the same time, like they might just sink straight through his lap where he rested them. 

“...But then you decided to go and punch our friend. So I figured it was time for me to step in.” 

“I didn’t-”

“Zuko had nothing to do with Suki’s death.” There was nothing unkind about what she said, but the blunt way she put it shocked part of him back to earth, yet still cut him once again. “Say it.” 

It was true, of course. Outside of the crowded bar, where everyone was talking and nobody seemed to grasp just how much worse of a place the world was now without her, he could see it. But the people who _did_ kill Suki were dead, too. Without Zuko, the only other person he could think of to blame was himself. 

“Sokka.” Toph repeated, pulling back on his train of thought. For another beat, he was quiet, but then the words came out.

“Zuko,” He said, “had nothing to do with Suki’s death.” 

_Suki’s death_. It was the first time he’d said it out loud.

“And neither do you.” 

It always took him by surprise, how she could almost always sense exactly how he was feeling. 

“I won’t make you repeat that, but just know that it’s true.” She crossed to the window and pushed it open, letting a salty breeze float in off the water. “Do you remember the last time you had something to eat?” 

He shook his head. Katara had given him something earlier in the day, he was sure, but he couldn’t recall what it was or how much of it he’d had. 

She nodded. “Stay here, I’ll be back.” 

She could have been gone for minutes, or hours, it didn’t make a difference to Sokka. He stared at his hands, and then out the window, not really seeing anything at all. All the while her words played over in his head like a mantra, one that he didn’t think he was quite ready to accept. 

_Zuko had nothing to do with Suki’s death. And neither do you._

She returned holding two bowls, handing one to Sokka before sitting on the bed beside him. “Turtle duck stew.” She said, “I thought you might like something with meat.” 

Ordinarily, he would have, but if Katara had been feeding him all week that meant his meals had been vegetarian. Nothing tasted good, anyways, so it didn’t make a difference. “Thanks, Toph.” 

They ate in silence. Outside, the shadows stretched longer and the blue sky warmed to a soft orange. When he finished, Toph took his empty bowl and stacked it with hers, setting them both on the nightstand. 

“I’m going back to Yu Dao tomorrow morning.” She spoke after some time, “I think you should come with me. It’ll be good for you.” 

“I have to go back to work.” He didn’t know where that came from. He hadn’t thought about work, or Cranefish Town, or even the Water Tribe at all in days. 

“No, you don’t. Not until you’re ready. Your dad and Sugar- I mean, _Katara_ , have things covered for as long as you need. We’re all looking out for you, Sokka. Come to Yu Dao.” 

He thought about it. Suki had been to Yu Dao before, but the place wasn’t steeped with her in every corner, like Kyoshi or Cranefish were. The people there didn’t know her, and most, outside of Toph’s most senior students, didn’t know him. And, of course, there was Toph herself. 

Katara and Aang had coddled him, and in the moment, he’d needed it. Perhaps, he thought, it was time to take someone else's hand, someone who offered to bring him a step closer to reality. 

“How long would I stay?” 

“As long as you need.” Toph stood and struck a match to light the room’s single lamp. “It’s like I said. We’ve all got your back.” 


	2. Chapter 2

Ordinarily Sokka loved everything about boats, how they rocked back and forth as they moved and the way the air smelled waking up after a night under the stairs, but journeys like the one to Yu Dao from Kyoshi Island made him miss his adolescent years, when travelling meant looking to his next destination on the back of a sky bison. 

It was weeks before they even landed in Yue Bay, and Toph spent most of those days a pale shade of green, bent over the rail of the ship and heaving into the water below. It left Sokka with more alone time than he preferred even when his life wasn’t in pieces, so when they made landfall and disembarked at a dock outside of Cranefish town he found himself grateful, not only to have his companion back, but for the aching in his feet as they walked and how it took him away from his spiralling thoughts. 

He knew the way to Yu Dao in his sleep, he walked it often to visit Toph and the academy whenever he found himself in the north. The route she led him on was different than his usual one though, he noticed after two days of ceaseless walking through unfamiliar Cranefish suburbs and paths through sparse farmlands. It was when they stopped on that second night that he found himself curious enough to question what their destination was at all.

“We are going to Yu Dao, right?” He asked as she built them an earth tent to sleep in.

“Yeah.” She stepped aside and let him inside first before following. “We’re just going around Cranefish instead of through.”

“Why would-” He started to ask her why, but before he could even finish his sentence, the answer came to him. _The fast route meant going through the woods_.

He definitely wasn’t ready for that. He wasn’t sure that he ever would be. 

In the morning they were off again before the sun rose, clearing out of the field they’d slept in before the farmer happened upon them during his morning rounds. The day was cloudy and threatened a storm, but as they made their way into Yu Dao’s market, stopping at the covered stalls and carts so Toph could pick up “essentials” for the house (essentials that all seemed to coincidentally be foods that Sokka had, in the past, declared a fondness for) it seemed to hold dry for them. No sooner than they had reached the Beifong Metal Academy, though, and were inside its doors, did it give way to a heavy rainfall that drummed on the roof over their heads. 

Penga, a head taller than she’d been the last time Sokka had seen her, weaved her way through a dozen young students, prodding them to correct their stances as they attempted to move a small metal disc that had been hung before them. 

“Concentrate on your breath,” The languid way she spoke reminded him of his sister, even more so when she continued, “Think like a waterbender. Gather your chi, and-” She noticed Toph and Sokka in the entryway. 

“Students, continue. You can have a break when someone moves their disc.” The teenager stepped away from her pupils, smiling broadly as Toph as soon as her back was turned to them. “Sifu, you’re back!” 

“You’re too soft on them, Penga.” The master admonished her protege, but greeted her with a hug regardless. 

“I find that a more positive approach works better at the lower levels.” She turned to look at Sokka, and before he could say anything, the sentiment he’d so hated to hear crossed her lips. “Sokka, I was so sorry to hear about Suki. I always admired her. How are you feeling?” 

In the weeks since they’d left Kyoshi, he’d been relieved to not have to answer that question. He wondered why people asked it at all- the love of his life had just been tragically and violently murdered. It seemed obvious his answer would be in the negative. It was another reason he was thankful for Toph’s company. She never had to ask- she already knew. 

“I-”

“Sokka is going to be staying with me at the house for the time being.” She must have sensed his reluctance to answer, and he felt a fresh outpouring of gratitude toward the earthbender. “I’ll plan on being back tomorrow, but we’ll be taking the rest of the day to get settled. I just wanted to stop in and make sure you and the Dark One hadn’t burned my school to the ground while I was gone.”

“Come on, Sifu, have a little faith in us. We’ve got everything under control. You could even take another month off, if you wanted!” She looked back at the students, who clumsily swayed through their poses, each of them failing to shift the metal. “But please don’t.” 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Penga.” Toph only smiled at her pupil’s remark. “Bright and early.” 

The two of them didn’t speak as they walked through the rain to Toph’s cottage on the other side of the training yard. By the time they were inside both of them were soaked to the skin, dripping from their hair and clothes onto the dusty stone floor. 

“Home at last.” Toph said, unpinning her hair and wringing it out. “Help yourself to the kitchen, the bathroom is through there to the left. What am I saying? You’ve been here before, you already know your way around. You can take the bed, I don’t mind the floor.” 

Sokka shook his head, “I can’t take your bed from you.”

“You can, and you will. I’m fine with it, and you should be, too.” She set her bag down on the table and began unloading it. “You can have the bathtub first, too, and don’t try to argue with me. I’ll make us something to eat. But I’ll warn you, I’m a terrible cook.” 

He knew it wouldn’t be of any use to protest, so he just did what she said, going past her unmade bed and through the door she’d pointed out. 

He sat in the tub until the water went tepid. He’d hoped that somewhere new would take his mind away from his grief, but more and more it seemed as though that had been wishful thinking on his part. The academy, with the young students going through their exercises, made him think of the Kyoshi Warriors, which sent his thoughts right back to the island he’d run away from. Penga immediately giving him the same pitying look that over the days he’d grown to loathe. Even the bathtub reminded him of Suki, and how after long days she’d spend hours soaking in her own bath, leaving stubborn smears of greasepaint on their towels and the heavy, sweet smell of perfume mixed with something undeniably _her_ in the air. 

He’d never smell that aroma, nor curse to himself as he tried to scrub away that greasepaint ever again. He would die a thousand times for just one more of those nights. He wouldn’t even hesitate. 

There was the sound of sizzling as food hit a hot pan in the other room, followed by the acrid, smoky smell of that food promptly burning. Sokka stood and dried himself off, tying his damp, matted hair back without stopping to untangle it. 

“Toph, what are you _making?_ ” 

Without the door between him and the stove, the smell was even worse. He wasn’t sure if it was the seasoning she used or that it was just that burnt, but whatever she was cooking was long past the point of recognition. 

“...Hogsheep steaks. Why?” 

“Are you sure?”

“ _Yes_ , I’m sure! Didn’t I warn you that I can’t cook worth a damn?” Her voice had a harsh edge, but he sensed the humor behind it. “Hand me those plates, will you?” 

He did so, and soon Toph was passing him a charred, grayish lump that was somehow both burned to a crisp and soggy at the same time. He prodded at it with his fork, and, even though he knew Toph wouldn’t care one way or another, cut off a piece to taste, just to be polite. 

He couldn’t help himself; when whatever it was she’d prepared for him (He wasn’t entirely sure it was meat, like she’d claimed), touched his tongue, he rejected it with his entire body. In his whole life he’d never met a steak he didn’t like, but this was something different. This was _revolting._

“That bad?” Toph poked at her own steak, then pushed it away. “I’ve got a jar of pickles and some jerky we can eat instead. Sorry, buddy. I tried to make it homey for you, but what can I say?” 

“No, it’s not-” He felt guilty for being unable to stomach it until he saw her smile. There was a moment of silence, and then, before he remembered that he was supposed to be sad, they were laughing. 

“You know what, Toph?” He said once their cackling died down. “Why don’t I handle the cooking while I’m here? It’s the least I can do.” 

“You’ve figured out my evil plan, Snoozles. Hold on, let me go get that jerky.” They laughed again as she got out of her chair. He watched her go to the basket they’d brought home from the market, and for the first time in weeks, he realized he wasn’t thinking about Suki. 

That revelation was something that, to put it simply, terrified him.

Sokka went quiet. There he was, missing her again. 

* * *

From the night of the hogsheep steaks onward, Sokka was in charge of the food. 

The mornings were a mixed bag; sometimes he woke and the very air around him seemed to whisper _Suki_ , and he found himself unable to face the world beyond his pile of blankets. Those days Toph would leave early, walking to the market before class to buy a sweetroll to munch on as she put her students through their paces. Sokka would get up around mid-morning, and, when he eventually wandered into the kitchen, he would find a second sweetroll waiting on the counter and a note, written in Penga’s hand but signed with a shaky _Toph_ , promising that she’d come by at lunch to check on him.

If he felt up to it he would make a pot of tea and go sit on the front steps, watching the advanced students streaming metal through the air as though it were mere ribbon. Toph watched from the other end of the yard, leaning in the open doorway to the academy and occasionally shouting corrections when she sensed a mistake. 

He’d always known that Toph enjoyed teaching enough, but it was during those mornings that he learned how much she truly _loved_ it. When she was with her students there was a certain look of concentration on her face that he’d never seen before, a line that formed between her eyes when she struggled to find the words to explain a concept that confused them. Then there was her smile, ear to ear and beaming with pride, when it finally clicked for them and they got it right. It always disappeared though, as quickly as it came, when she sensed that they were watching. 

At first, it reminded him, ostensibly, of Suki. The first time he made the connection, he couldn’t watch her teach, or hardly look at her at all, for days. Each time he saw her he thought of his lost love in her own school on Kyoshi, talking new recruits through their first fan maneuvers or explaining the significance of the silk threads in their uniforms. 

It was the heat that brought him out to watch her again. Summer seemed to ambush Yu Dao like a komodo rhino; one day Sokka woke up to find it sweltering outside, without a breeze or a cloud in the sky to be found. He tried to stay inside, reasoning that the darkness of the house would keep the worst of the afternoon heat at bay. He was sweating bullets though, and instead of providing shade the four walls around him only seemed to trap the hot air. 

He started on a walk through the village, hoping to find a shaved-ice cart, but he scarcely made it to the end of the road before he was so sticky from the humidity that moving seemed unbearable. 

So he found himself back on Toph’s porch, a beer from her icebox in hand, trying not to look at her as she walked one of her pupils, a precocious boy named Ling, through a complicated move. Both teacher and student’s clothes were soaked through with sweat, and the frustration on their reddened faces made clear the fact that neither of them were making any headway. 

“Go home, Ling.” The master finally relented. “We’ll try again when this heatwave breaks. Just keep practicing the stances. And remember: _restraint._ Consistency. You’re _this_ close to having it.” 

“Yes, Sifu.” He bowed to her and scampered from the yard, climbing over the fence to the street and out of sight.

 _“Fuck_ , it is impossible to do _anything_ like this!” Toph bent the metal pieces back to their proper places and dragged herself over to the porch. She whipped off her blouse and stood there in her bindings, dabbing at her brow with the discarded green fabric. “Do you know if we’ve got any more of those?”

“There’s a couple left. I can get you one.” He started to stand, but she waved him down. 

“I’ve got it, I’m already up.” She disappeared into the house, leaving the door open in a futile attempt to coax some airflow through the space. 

“You know, it’s days like this I miss having Twinkle Toes around all the time.” She said when she returned with an open beer in hand. “He could conjure up a breeze for us. Sugar Queen, too. If she was here, we could have all the ice we wanted! I bet they’ve got it made out there in the city.” 

“It’s not like they’re that far away.” Sokka felt a small tug of longing for his sister, brother-in-law, and baby nephew. Their island off the coast of Cranefish was as much a home to him as the South Pole had ever been, and in those first days after Suki, they had been his lifeline. 

“A day’s walk at the fastest.” She took a seat on the steps beside him. “So not exactly pop in for dinner close. I’d want to stay awhile, and I was just gone for almost two months.” 

“Right.” Sokka was grateful that she couldn’t see the way his face fell. 

“And I’d do it again, if I needed to.” She must have sensed the guilt in his voice. “But a jaunt to the city to party with Aang and Katara won’t play as a _need_ to my younger students’ parents. You could go, though. Visit.” 

“I-” He looked down at his nearly empty bottle, then out over the yard. A breeze, too weak to reach them, ruffled the distant treetops. “I don’t know if I’m ready for that yet.” 

“I understand. But Sokka,” Whenever she used his real name it was always jarring, and even more so with the gentle sincerity she said it with. “One of these days, you’re going to have to take that first step. It doesn’t even have to be a big one, but-” She sighed, “I’m sorry. I don’t want to push you too hard, too soon, but you don’t ever talk about her.”

He wondered where this side of Toph had come from. Ten years ago she would have been the first person to shove him from the proverbial nest, and she would have gone about it without a whisper of tact. To suggest he talk through his feelings was a sign of how far she’d come from the twelve year old girl who solved all her problems by throwing giant boulders at them. 

He looked up at her, and again, like he had in that rented room back on Kyoshi, got the sense she could see straight through to his very soul. He couldn’t hide, not from her. “...I miss her so much, Toph.” 

“I know you do.” She laid a calloused hand on his arm with surprising softness. “Tell me all the things you loved about her.” 

That list was endless. He wasn’t sure where to start. “Suki was a doer.” He began. “A lot of people talk about all the things they want out of life, but they’re afraid to reach out and take them. She wasn’t. So every day we were together it felt like we were going _somewhere_. Always taking steps forward. It made me a better man.” 

“I miss waking up next to her,” He continued, unable to stop himself now that he’d started, “She was always awake before me, but instead of starting her day, she would just make herself a cup of tea and drink it in bed while she waited for me to get up. Then we’d get ready for the day together. She’d shave my sides down for me and I’d make us breakfast while she put on her makeup. Every morning now, when I open my eyes I look over, and part of me expects her to be there with her tea, waiting for me. And then when she isn’t, it feels fresh all over again.” 

He fell silent. She took his empty bottle from him and stood once more to take it back into the house when he spoke again.

“I was really lucky to know her, wasn’t I?” He wasn’t asking, as much as realizing. “And even luckier to love her.” 

“Yeah.” Toph agreed, leaning against the doorframe while she listened. 

“I should write to Zuko. Apologize” He sighed, staring at the dirt beneath his feet. “We kind of left things in a bad place last time we saw each other.”

“When you punched his lights out and I had to pull you off him? Yeah. You should. There’s paper and everything in the school, I’ll get it for you tomorrow.” 

“Thanks, Toph.” He turned to look up at her. “For all of this. Seriously, I don’t know where I’d be right now without you.” 

“Eh. Mr. and Mrs. Sugar Queen would have taken care of you.” 

“You’re right, they would have.” He admitted, “But you’re better at knowing what I need. If I were with them, I’d still be hiding in bed all day. But look at me now,” He spread his arms boastfully, “Drinking on your front porch, like a real functioning adult.” 

Toph smiled, “Proud of you, Snoozles. I’m going to go dunk my head in a bucket of water now.” 

She left him, and soon he heard the sound of water splashing into a basin coming from the kitchen. He sighed and stood to stretch, looking up at the sky above him. It was a clear day, the sky as harsh a blue as ever, still with no clouds. But straight up, something else looked down at him:: a daylight moon. 

“Hey, Yue.” He spoke quietly, smiling to himself. “I think everything might just turn out alright, after all.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> asfkdjlasjkfdl;ak i'm so sorry that I took such a long time to upload this you guys i have such a hard time with writing sad stuff so I've been procrastinating by working on another project. But chapter three is here! I truly never plan out how these things are going to go so i'm always open to suggestions and ideas!  
> Leave me a comment and let me know what you think!


	3. Chapter 3

“Do you want to go to a party with me?” 

“What?” Sokka looked up from the letter he’d just received from his sister. 

Things were going well in Cranefish Town- the council meetings she was attending in his stead bored her to tears, she and Aang were talking about building onto their house, Bumi had finally mastered the letter _K_ and his new favorite word was _Sokka_. Back home, it seemed, life was going on just as it always had. 

“It’s stupid.” Toph closed the front door behind her and wiggled out of her tunic. She’d been doing it a lot lately- taking her clothes off the second her students left for the day- Summer was waning on, but even as the days crept closer to Autumn the weather remained oppressively hot. One of the papers he read each morning- the _Cranefish Chronicle_ , said it was some kind of record. 

“The kids do this thing every year when they all move up to the next form.” She explained, flinging away the shirt and taking a seat across from him at the table. “Ho Tun started it before he went to Ba Sing Se, and Penga forces the Dark One to help her keep it up, but it’s basically a party out in the yard. Music, food, whatever. And since it’s _my_ school, and they insist on having it right outside _my_ front door, they all expect me to make an appearance.”

“Yeah, of course I’ll go with you.” He said absentmindedly as he skimmed the last paragraph of the letter. “ _Come visit soon_ ,” Katara had written in her perfect, fluid penmanship, “ _Big things are happening around here, and I want you to be here for them. Take care of yourself. -K”_

“Thanks.” Toph picked an apple out of the bowl of fruit on the table and took a bite, “Now they can finally shut up about me never bringing a date to these things.” 

_Date_

She’d said it in such a nonchalant manner that there was no way it could have been meant in anything but the platonic sense, but the word alone was enough to pull his focus away from whatever _big things_ Katara alluded to in her note. 

He hated the word. Even if it was just an outing with a friend, it carried such a loaded meaning that hearing it made him think of fancy dinners with flowers and picnics in the park and Suki’s favorite yellow dress with the embroidered collar. But Toph just needed someone to stand next to at a party so her students wouldn’t think she was lonely and try to make friends with her. That, he could do. And parties usually meant piles of canapes, so…

He considered it his duty as a friend to be there. 

Sokka set aside the letter and pulled a piece of paper from his stack beside the fruit bowl, and began to write back. 

> _Katara,_
> 
> _I’m glad you’re all doing well. Things are good here, too. Toph is getting ready for final exams, so I’ve had a lot of alone time. Not much to report, but it's way too hot out to function. I’m sorry the meetings are boring- when it gets really bad, just nod and tell them you’ll take it under advisement. You can always ask Min for the transcripts afterward to fill in the gaps._
> 
> _Give Aang my love and hug Bumi for me. I can’t wait to see how big he’s grown since the last time I saw him. I miss you all, and can’t wait to see you again. -Sokka”_

* * *

“Help me choose.” Toph came out of her bedroom with her hair still damp from the bath, holding two silky, expensive-looking robes. “I have no idea what they look like, so it’s up to you whether or not I look dumb tonight. No pressure, though.” 

“Go with the one with the gold threads, it’s better for the season than the flowers.” When he realized those descriptors meant nothing to her, he elaborated, “The one on the right. No, your other right.”

“Thanks, Snoozles.” She gathered the rejected outfit in a ball and tossed it back into her room before sliding on the chosen one. It hung loose over her shoulders as she crossed to him, holding its golden sash in her hands. “Tie me up, will you?” She requested, turning to face away from him. 

The collar of the robe dipped low in the back, revealing her top few vertebrae before it hit midway down her shoulder blades, just above the top of her bindings. A light, perfumey smell clung to her skin. Moonflowers, or jasmine. Very un-Toph like. He did his best with the sash, fixing it into a plain, unfussy knot. 

“Sorry I can’t do anything fancy.” He said, stepping back from her. 

“I’m sure it’s fine.” She gathered her hair in one hand and effortlessly fashioned it into a sophisticated twist, which she secured with a jeweled pin he remembered her wearing at Zuko and Mai’s wedding. “How do I look?” 

“You look-” Sokka wasn’t sure how to describe it to her. _Nice_ seemed too banal of an adjective, she always looked nice. He wanted to say she was beautiful, because it was true- Toph was objectively a beautiful woman, and the clinging, satiny outfit did several things to highlight the fact. But the word seemed to catch on his tongue, like it wasn’t meant to come from him. She was beautiful, but there was something else there, too. 

“That dress was the right choice.” Was all he could think to say that didn’t feel out of place. “It looks nice with your eyes.” 

“I knew you wouldn’t steer me the wrong way,” She smiled, and again, that feeling of _wrong_ that he couldn’t quite place welled up in him again. “There are people starting to show up out there. Are you ready?” 

He looked down at his own outfit. It was clean and free of patches, but that was the most he could say for it. The blue tunic and trousers were his everyday, and Toph was dressed for anything but that. 

“Yeah.” He said, pulling back his hair and tying it out of the way. “Just let me get my shoes.” 

Penga and the Dark One, Sokka learned when he stepped out into the training yard, had a natural flair for decoration. Lanterns hung on strings between the metal posts, casting a warm yellow through the twilight air. Cocktail tables draped with snowy white clothes were scattered around a makeshift dance floor, where adolescent couples shuffled awkwardly to the three piece band that played a lilting melody from the little stage that had been constructed near the academy’s back door. 

“The food is in the school.” Toph said, “Go on, I know you want to.”

He didn’t need to be told twice, and while she made her way to the dance floor to break up a pair of particularly affectionate students, he followed the smell of fried pork and gristle into the academy, where the classroom had been transformed into a wonderland of finger snacks. Sokka piled his plate high with canapes, grateful for a dinner that it wasn’t on him to cook. 

Food in hand he wandered back out to the yard; in the evenings when the sun fell beyond the treetops the air outside felt fresher and easier to breathe than the stuffy atmosphere indoors. He found an empty table and leaned up against it while he ate and watched the party surge around him. 

It was still early, and students still trickled in through the front gate, along with the occasional pair of parents and the odd sibling or two. He noticed Ling with a tall, thin-faced girl who could only be his older sister, and waved before turning his attention back to the crowd that was already mingling in the yard. He spotted Toph back by her front steps with a drink in a crystal glass, chatting with the Dark One. 

It was one of the strangest parts of staying with her that summer, seeing the way Toph interacted with her inaugural class of students. In the years since she’d recruited them into her school their relationship had gone from that of a domineering master and her unsure apprentices to equals- friends, almost. He doubted she’d ever let them in the same way she’d done with Aang, Katara, Zuko, and himself, but that she laughed _with_ them and not at their expense was a feat in itself. 

The sun went away completely, leaving the lanterns overhead and a blanket of stars as the party’s only source of light. The band’s music turned to a livelier tune, and the sparsely populated dance floor quickly filled as the young students and older ones alike joined together for a wild, twirling group dance. 

“It’s pretty lame, huh?” Toph snuck up on him, and he jumped, just a bit, when he heard her voice. 

“What? No.” He shook his head as he dragged a toast point through the puddle of sauce left on his plate. “This is nice. They did a good job.” 

“It’s a kids party.” She set her drink down. “I know your idea of a good time is a little more wild than this. Mine is too, it’s fine to admit it.” 

Sokka shrugged, “There’s good food here. And music. Nobody’s looking at me like I’m an orphaned polar pup. And your company is nice too, I suppose.”

The punch in the arm that elicited was expected, but still she managed to make him stumble. “Ouch. Would it kill you to show affection without hitting me, for once?” 

“Fine.” Toph crossed her arms. The bouncy jig ended, and the band started a slower song. “Come dance with me.” 

“I’m still eating.” He held up his toast point.

“They aren’t going to run out of food in the next five minutes. Come on, you just said this was a good party. At good parties, you usually dance.” 

He hadn’t felt like dancing in months, and still he didn’t, really. But it was Toph, his friend who had quite literally picked him up off the barroom floor and stood as his anchor while he healed back into something resembling a human. She’d opened her home to him for months, without any hesitation, gave him her own bed and a shoulder to lean on when standing felt like an insurmountable hill. Plus, the music was infectious, and she looked so lovely. 

Abandoning his plate, he took her hand and followed her to the dance floor. 

“Refresh my memory,” She said as she placed the hand that wasn’t clasped with his own on his shoulder. Her form was surprisingly prim; immaculate from a childhood filled with all the classical training of an earth kingdom lady. “You aren’t much of a dancer, are you?”

“I get around alright.” He led her through a tight spin and brought her back to him to sway for a few beats. 

“I’ll say. That’s some fancy footwork you’ve got going on. Are you trying to show off, or something?”

“Show off?” He scoffed, “I’m just trying to keep up with you.”

She laughed, sticking her tongue out for a half a second before tucking it back away. “Good luck with that, Snoozles.”

They went quiet, letting the music fill the gaps in their conversation. Sokka noticed pairs of eyes around them watching- nobody stared, but the glances seemed to linger for too long to be simple passing eye contact. On the steps to the house, Penga sat taking a break from the wildly impractical shoes she’d chosen to wear that night, whispering something in the Dark One’s ears as she rubbed her feet. Toph, of course, could see none of this. Her eyes were level with his chest, and it could have been the heat, or the cocktail she’d had before, but he thought he noticed a slight flush to her cheeks. 

“Woah.” She softly, _too_ softly for banter amongst friends. “Your heartbeat is going crazy, Snoozles. Are you alright?” 

“M’fine.” He suddenly noticed how little space there was between them, and how at home his hand felt where it rested at the small of her back. How when she spoke, the party around him fell away, and the only thing he could think about was how she made his palms sweat. 

“I can tell you’re lying, dummy.” She shook her bangs out of her face. “Whatever it is, you should just come out and tell me.” 

“Toph, I think-” He could see why she’d said something about his heart rate- it raced faster than he could keep up with, and he felt weak. What could he say? He knew what he was feeling. The dancing, the flirting, the way they’d been casually lazing around in their underwear all summer. But it was too soon for him. And it was _Toph_.

He sighed. “I think it’s time for me to go back to work.” 

As though it were timed to perfection, the song ended, leaving them in a hollow silence. Sokka let go of Toph’s hand and released her, turning away and going back to the house before he could rationalize a change of heart. He had three months of things to pack, and a long walk ahead of him. 

* * *

From where he stood on the Cranefish Ferry, Sokka could only just make out the roof of his sister’s house over the island trees and early morning mist. It was a little place, built with room to grow in mind, but from the beginning the idea was that there would always be an open room for their friends to stay in, if they needed to. And that morning, before the sun rose, as Sokka stood at the door to the apartment he’d shared with Suki when they were both in the city, he realized that he would need to, after all. There was no way he could go inside. 

At the early hour he was the only one getting off the ferry at that particular stop, and he tried to ignore the stares of the other passengers as he stood and made his way off the little metal boat. He’d been in Cranefish Town for three hours, and already he missed the relative anonymity of Yu Dao. 

The first person to greet him as he walked up the rocky slope to the house wasn’t a person at all; Momo sat on a fencepost chittering at him, a moon peach in hand. 

“Hey, buddy.” Sokka reached out and scratched behind his ears. “I missed you.” 

The lemur trilled and scampered up his arm, riding on his shoulder the rest of the path before launching himself upward and soaring through an open upstairs window. Sokka watched him disappear, then went up the set of stairs leading to the front door and knocked. 

“ _Just come in!”_ He heard Katara's voice from somewhere inside. He pushed the door open and followed it to the kitchen, where she sat at the table with her son in her lap, who fussed while she pleaded with him to eat his breakfast. 

“Bumi _, please_ , you know you’ll be cranky if you don’t get enough to eat, can’t you just take one more bite?”

“Uncle Sokka!”

“Yes, I know, you miss-”

“Mama! Uncle Sokka!”

“ _Bumi-_ ”

“Hi, Sis.” He let his bag drop to the floor and held his arms out to her. 

“Sokka!” Katara stood to hug him, shifting Bumi off her lap and onto her hip. “You’re back!” 

“Since this morning, yeah.” He said, trying to place what looked so different about her. She was clearly tired, but it was early in the morning, and likely she’d been up for hours with the baby. Her face looked a little thinner, he thought, but that wasn’t it. Her day dress was an air nomad orange, not her usual color, but not anything new for her, either. Then, as they broke apart and she passed him his nephew, he realized.

“What did you do to your hair?” 

His whole life, it had fallen in a thick waterfall of bouncy waves down to her waist, but Katara’s hair that morning hung limp at her shoulders, where it had been clumsily lopped off in a harsh, straight line. 

“I live with a two year old.” She explained, “It gets pulled, things get stuck in it. Sometimes you can’t get those things out without cutting.” 

“It looks….nice.” He tried to lie, but he knew she could tell. 

“Sweet of you to lie.” She went to fill the pot for tea, and Sokka took Bumi back to his breakfast. “You didn’t write to say you were coming home, is everything okay?” 

“Everything is fine. Come on, Bumi, be good to your Mom and take a bite for me, please.” He turned his attention to his nephew for a moment, then back to Katara, “Or at least, you know, as fine as it can be right now.” 

“And Toph is doing well?” 

He’d been trying not to think about Toph. How she’d started to follow him into the house, but was caught in a net of students chanting _“Speech, speech, speech!”_ Then when she said a few canned words and managed to slip away, he was already packed and waiting for the party to dissipate so he could leave the city without having to answer any questions. Of course, though, she wasn’t going to let that happen. 

“ _Look, Snoozles, I think it’s great that you want to start getting back to your life, but doesn’t it feel a little sudden to you?”_ She’d said as soon as she’d shut the front door behind her. 

“ _I don’t know what to tell you.”_ He’d bristled, “ _It just feels like it’s time._ ”

“ _You were just saying this morning that you thought you’d stay until the end of summer.”_

_“Well. I’ve thought differently.”_

She asked him what had changed. _A thousand little things_ , he wanted to say. That when she pulled off her shirt at the end of the day to wipe away her sweat, he couldn’t breathe. That he noticed when she smelled nice, and it didn’t make him sad. That when they danced together under the twinkling lights outside, it made him think about _life_ and what came next. That there could be something, or _someone,_ after Suki, which filled him with pure, unadulterated panic. 

But talking about feelings that scared him had never been a strength of his. As long as he could remember, he had been a man of action. “ _Because I can’t look at you right now without wanting to do this”_ He’d whispered. 

Then the space between them closed as though they were two magnets, and he was kissing her. He held her until his mind spun, as though the simple act of doing so would get across all the feelings he was trying to convey. But as much as he wanted to feel otherwise, the only thing he could think of when his lips crashed into hers was Suki.

“ _Sokka-”_

_“I’m sorry, Toph.”_

Then, before she could react, or say another word, he was out the door. He wondered what she was doing now.

“Toph is fine.” He told Katara. “Where’s Aang?”

“With Zuko and Dad, in the Fire Nation.” She lit the stove and leaned against the counter while she waited for the water to boil. “The trials started last week.” 

Right. The trials. Suki had managed to take down the assassins themselves on the day she died, but the ring they belonged to wasn’t found and broken up until weeks later. It was deemed too risky to transport them east, so they would be tried in the Fire Nation courts. 

“I think Zuko’s angry with me.” Sokka said suddenly, not wanting to discuss his girlfriend’s killers. “We didn’t leave things on the best of terms last time we saw each other. I wrote him a few weeks ago to apologize, but I haven’t heard back.” 

“Oh, Zuko loves you.” She waved off the idea. “He probably just forgot. He’s a new dad now, remember? He has a lot going on at the moment.” 

“Right!” He in fact, hadn’t remembered, not since he’d seen Mai after the funeral. It had made him sad then. Now, though, he could only find joy for them. Katara, though, he thought, sounded a little sad as she spoke.

“Izumi.” She told him the baby’s name. “She’s gorgeous. Looks just like Mai. Zuko’s absolutely in love with her, it’s really sweet, actually-” 

He wasn’t imagining things. Her voice was definitely extra watery. “Are you alright?” 

“I’m fine.” She turned away from him, though, and he could tell she was reaching up to wipe a tear from her eye. “I’m just really, _really_ tired, and I miss Aang, and-” 

“...Bumi, why don’t you go play in your room for a while? I’ll catch up with you soon, and you can show me all your new toys.” Sokka put his nephew down and stood, watching him toddle down the hall before going to his sister. “Katara,” he said, putting a hand on her shoulder. “Tell me what’s going on.” 

She looked in the direction that Bumi had gone in, perhaps trying to gauge whether or not he was still listening. “When I wrote you that letter last month, I said there were big things happening here.” She stopped to breathe, looking up at the ceiling with glassy eyes. “It was me, Sokka. I was pregnant the day I wrote to you. And then-” 

She couldn’t speak anymore, or at least, she didn’t. For the first time in years Sokka watched his sister fall apart where she stood. Just as much at it had when they were younger, it gutted him in a way that nothing else quite did. She was hurting, and because of that, his own problems faded to background noise. 

He could only pull her in, and hold her close while she sobbed against his chest. 

They stood there for some time in front of the window, ignoring the teapot whistling in the background. Slowly, Katara quieted, the shakes that racked her whole body as she cried calming until they were only occasional. She finally broke away from him, and took another breath before continuing.

“I didn’t cut my hair because Bumi got something stuck in it.” She confessed, her tears still flowing freely, if not quite as violently as they had before. “I didn’t wash it for almost a month, and it was so matted I couldn’t get a brush through.” 

“Katara…” He couldn’t seem to find the words to say, how could he?

“It’s just really hard.” She turned off the stove and moved the kettle to stop it’s shrill alarm. “One day, we were telling Bumi he was going to be a big brother, and the next I was waking up covered in my own blood. Before I even _knew_ what was happening, part of me _knew_ …” She just shook her head, unable to finish the sentence. 

Sokka just waited and listened, leaning against the counter processing everything she’d just told him. When no more words came, he offered his response. “So you’re going through all of this…” He shared his first thought, the initial spark of anger threatening to grow into an inferno as he expressed it. “And Aang just left you _alone_? And Dad, too?” 

His sister was the most precious thing in the world to him, but not since they were children had Sokka considered himself a _protective_ older brother. She was perhaps the most powerful waterbender on the planet, she didn’t need him to fight for her in battle. In the terms of her love life, he had even less to worry about. She was married to _Aang,_ the gentlest human he’d ever known. The only time he could remember feeling rage this intense toward the Avatar was the day during the war when he was learning to firebend, and a mistake made in hubris had left Katara’s hands crisp red and scorched. 

“I told them to go.” She looked out over the water as though she were watching them leave all over again. “You know Aang. He needs to find a silver lining, so he channels his grief into his work. And besides,” She let a hand come to a rest at her midsection. “This was senseless tragedy. Horrible. I know more than anyone. But it was nobody’s fault. There’s no justice here. But the people who killed Suki…”

She watched him for a second, gauging his reaction to her speaking the event out loud before finishing, “They need to be held responsible. So yes, they did leave me alone, and I would have them do it again.” 

“But Dad-”

“They needed a Southern Water Tribe representative, Sokka, and it was either me or him. And since I was barely feeding myself until two weeks ago, the choice was a relatively simple one.” 

“You could have gotten me. I would have done it, or come to be with you sooner-” 

“Sokka, the last time any of us saw you, you were a mess. None of us were going to force you back to work until _you_ said you were ready.” 

His anger was washed away with a tidal wave of guilt. That she’d been in such a low place for such a long time now, and he’d been two days north, flirting with Toph to forget that he was sad, and ignoring his responsibilities to his family, and to his people. He’d heard once that stress could cause miscarriages. Katara had been filling in for him, as well as raising Bumi and running her healing clinic. 

Silently, he added the niece or nephew that none of them would ever get to meet to the list of deaths caused by his own incompetence. 

“I’m so sorry, Katara.” Were the only words he could find as he started to go. 

“Sokka, wait.” Her hand caught him around the wrist and stopped him in the doorway. “Stay with me, here. Please.” 

There was a split second when he looked at his sister, her eyes red and puffy and revealing such a rare vulnerability, that the small, dark voice in the back of his head whispered to him that she didn’t really mean it, that she only offered her home out of pity and obligation. He knew, though, that the voice was a lie. He could feel it in how she spoke: Katara needed him right now, and as he'd promised so many years before, he would never turn his back on her.

Both of them were in pain. But as it had always been in their lives, they were experts at being in pain together. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaahhhhh, these two! Gotta love a good slow dance scene to build up some good romantic tension. Poor babes though. 
> 
> Leave me a comment and let me know what you thought!


	4. Chapter 4

Mornings on Aang and Katara’s island that fall had a pattern to them:

Katara was always the first one awake, and she would slip out of bed as quietly as she could as to not wake Bumi, who in Aang’s absence slept curled up by her side. She would go outside and find a quiet place, one that “ _had good energy,_ ” she told Sokka one day, to do yoga while the sun rose. 

Sometimes Sokka was awake, and sometimes he wasn’t yet, when Bumi woke up and came to his room. The baby would wriggle into the bed and snuggle his little sleepy body into his uncle’s chest, and they would lay together until the sun rose high enough to cast light through his window, and the little one started making noise about wanting to eat breakfast. 

So Sokka would bring him downstairs and sit him at the table while he sliced fruit and fried eggs and brewed tea. Katara would come in with Momo on her shoulder, and the lemur would go to sit beside Bumi, who babbled at him and stroked his fur while he waited for the food to be ready. 

After a few days, he announced he was ready to return to the council, and that morning after the three of them ate and dressed they rode the ferry into the city so he could formally end his leave of absence and Katara could get him up to speed on the current issues- at least, the ones she’d been handling when she herself had left. 

In the months she’d been using his office it had gotten tidier- she actually used the filing system rather than let everything pile into more-or-less organized stacks, and kept detailed notes on each meeting in addition to the transcripts he’d advised her to request. A few of Bumi’s toys sat in a basket off in the corner, and there was a grainy photo from she and Aang’s wedding on the desk, but otherwise it was the same room he’d dashed out of after Zuko four months before.

“...And there’s one last thing that they were waiting on until you got back.” She got to the last item on her list. “A motion has been made to officially declare Cranefish the capital of the United Republic, and they want to organize an international forum to formalize the decision and to choose a new name.” 

“A new name?” Sokka sat on the floor with Bumi, spinning a top and sitting back while the boy watched it with awe. 

“A new name.” She confirmed. “Cranefish Town was fine when this was just a factory settlement, but it’s outgrown that, to say the least. The council feels it needs a name to match its status as an epicenter of world trade and international relations.” 

He sighed and looked up at his sister hunched over the desk, her short hair pinned back out of her face and her mouth formed into a short, serious line. She had always been stronger than he was, but sitting on the floor watching her do his job with more grace than he could ever muster, even while she mourned her own loss, cemented his belief that his sister was made of some kind of magic stuff he hadn’t inherited. 

“In the next election, you should run instead of me.” He said, only half-listening to the list of proposed new names she’d been reading to him.

“What?” 

“You’re better at this than I am.” He spun the top again and Bumi shrieked with laughter. “You have a better sense for knowing what matters, and what you can let go of. And you care about the small stuff.” 

“Sokka,” She set aside her list. “I’m happy to fill in for you here whenever you need. But I’m a mother. And we’re talking about expanding my clinic, so I’ll have my hands full there enough as it is. I don’t have time to be campaigning full time, too.” 

“But you’d hardly even have to campaign.” He said, “Nobody ever runs against me in these things.”

“You are a wonderful councilman.” She stood and joined him on the floor, pulling Bumi into her lap. “The people love you, here and down South. I know it’s a big step to go back to work, but I’m proud of you for coming this far, and I know that you can do it. Just start by showing up to the meetings, at first. You don’t even have to listen. Someone told me once you can just tell them you’ll take everything under advisement, and just ask for the transcripts afterwards.” 

“You know, I think I heard that advice somewhere, too.” He smiled with her. “We should go to the park and have a picnic for lunch, it’s such a nice day.” 

“I’ve got one last thing for you before we can do that.” Bumi whined and squirmed as his mother picked him up and went back to the desk, where she took a thick stack of papers from the drawer. “For the forum. We need to sign the formal invitations so they can be sent out. I’ll do half if you do half.” 

“ _Fiiiiiine_ ,” He sighed and stood, going to find a pen. “Can’t we give Bumi some to sign, too?”

“He’s two years old, Sokka.”

“And?” 

When Katara didn’t respond, he took the papers she held out to them and began to mindlessly scrawl his name at the bottom of each one. The invitations were already addressed, ready to be sealed and sent as soon as he signed them. Some of the names he recognized and some he didn’t- major figures from the war and the restoration movement, and leaders from communities across the new republic. He skimmed the invites as he made his way through the stack, and learned that the forum would take place in two months, at the city council center.

The stack grew thinner as he made his way through it, trying to ignore the cramping in his hand- he hadn’t had to do any serious paperwork since the spring, and his muscles weren’t accustomed to the pen like they had been before. He was just thinking he needed to switch over to his less adept left hand to finish the signatures when a name at the top of one of them made him freeze. 

“Oh.” He tried to sound nonchalant, as though he was simply regarding the observation. “Toph is coming.” 

“Of course Toph is coming.” Katara said, “Why wouldn’t she?” 

_Because things might be awkward, considering the last time I saw her, we kissed before I ran out the door without saying goodbye._ “...No reason. I just know she’s been really busy with the academy and all-”

The door to the office burst open, sending shockwaves through Sokka’s entire body. The imagery was too close to that of the last time Zuko came into his office, and for a split second he was terrified that he was about to hear that he’d lost another loved one. But it was just Min, his assistant, clutching a folded piece of paper in her hand with her eyes wide.

“We just received a hawk from the Fire Nation.” She said, catching her breath. “They reached a verdict.” 

His mouth went dry. He’d been trying not to think about the trial, because when he did, he just felt guilty about not being there, or doing more. He knew that the case was airtight, the evidence linking the cell of rebels to the assassination attempt was ireffutable, and the additional murder charge would be enough to put them away for the rest of their lives. Even knowing all of that, though, the fear remained: What was the defense like? What if, somehow, they managed to evade justice?

“Well?” Katara stood, pushing away her finished invitations. “We’ve been waiting long enough, tell us what it is,” 

* * *

The trial had been one of the shortest in the republic’s young history. As it turned out, finding a defense for the traitors proved a nigh impossible task, and the appointed team could find little to refute the prosecution’s case. Deliberation had taken less than an hour, and when the courts reconvened, sentencing was swift. Less than two weeks, and Aang and Hakoda were flying back to Cranefish Town. 

Suki’s murderers were guilty, and they were going to be imprisoned for the rest of their lives. 

When he first heard the news it nearly brought him to his knees. Hearing that someone was being held responsible, and that they could never hurt anyone else again reopened his slowly healing wounds. 

“I need to go for a walk.” He said as he stood in the office, not looking at anyone in particular as he spoke. 

He didn’t know where he was going at first, just that his feet were carrying him _somewhere_ and he needed to obey them. The news of the verdict, it seemed, hadn’t broken in the city yet, because he walked down the street he heard no talk of the news and no knowing stares directed toward him. 

It was at the edge of the woods that he stopped, almost precisely at the spot he’d knelt on that beautiful spring day, begging against all logic for Suki to come back to him. The road had been a crime scene for a long while, but the investigation had ended months ago, and now it was back to normal, green grass and slowly changing leaves rippling in the early autumn breeze. 

This was the place where his first real love had died. But he hadn’t yet said goodbye to her, not really. He hadn’t known it until that day, but he’d been waiting for closure, waiting for justice. It was what she would have wanted. 

Sokka let his eyes fall shut. The wind picked up and swirled around him, and standing there he felt the closest to her since that last morning they were together, laying in bed and declaring they wanted to stay there forever. 

He imagined her arms around him one last time. Then, as he felt the hot sting of tears running down his cheeks, he began the next step in his journey: letting pieces of her go. 

* * *

It was the week before the United Republic Leadership Summit that Sokka started cleaning out his apartment.

He stood outside on the curb for what felt like hours, with Aang by his side waiting for him to declare that he was ready to go in. In the time since the Avatar had returned home, the temperature in the city had dropped into distinctly autumnal levels, and a crisp chill hung in the air and whipped through their clothes in the wind. 

“...Okay.” He nodded and looked over to his brother-in-law. “Let’s go.” 

Someone- Katara, he assumed, had been by to clean up at some point, but otherwise otherwise the place was exactly as it had been the last day he’d spent with Suki- she could have been there ten minutes ago, putting away groceries or strumming the pipa sitting in the corner that neither of them ever learned how to play. Since she split her time between Cranefish, Kyoshi Island, and the Fire Nation, though, most of the things in the space were his own. Before the funeral, when they’d gone through her belongings in her hometown, he’d withdrawn so completely that he had almost no memory of the event. 

This was less painful, but still the idea of dismantling the evidence of the life they’d built together felt like more salt in the wound. It had to be done, though. He’d found a new place, one that didn’t smell like Suki and echo her voice from its every knot of wood, and he couldn’t justify keeping a second apartment on the basis of sentimentality. 

So he was starting fresh. He’d sold all the furniture to the young couple moving in after him, and his clothing was already at Aang and Katara’s, so all that was left to parse through were the extras- the photos and art that hung on the walls, their books and games and dishes and bedsheets. The mundane background items that were the backbone of their life. 

“Let’s just get rid of it all.” He said after taking it in for a moment. 

“Are you sure?” Aang was looking at a photo that hung beside the door. It was taken in the Fire Nation, on the coronation plaza the week before Zuko’s wedding. The photographer had told him to just look head on at the strange contraption that he claimed would produce a perfect image of them, but instead, much to the man’s consternation, Sokka had turned and kissed Suki on the cheek for the snapshot, leaving a smudge on her warrior makeup that had lasted all day. 

“I’m sure.” He nodded, his mind made up. “I need a fresh start, and that can’t happen with all of this old stuff laying around.” 

“You don’t want to keep the pictures? 

“No, I don’t want the pictures. I’m trying to move on.” Sokka went to the wall across from the divan and began taking down the woven tapestry tacked to it. 

“Moving on doesn’t mean you get rid of everything.” Aang advised him as he sat to begin boxing up the bookshelf. “Katara and I are starting to worry that you might be…”

“What? Running away from my problems?”

“Well, yes.” 

“Kind of like how you ran away from my sister when she’d just lost her baby and couldn’t get out of bed?” Sokka turned to him as he snapped, but when he saw the look on the Avatar’s face, he backed down. “...Fuck. Aang, I’m sorry. I know she told you to go, and that you did it for Suki. I shouldn’t blame you if Katara doesn’t.” 

“It’s okay.” By the sound of Aang’s voice, though, he knew that it wasn’t. A reticent wedge bloomed between the two men, one afraid to say too much and the other as much of hurting the other again in his retaliation. 

He may not have been near catatonic and on the verge of emotional collapse like Katara, but everything about Aang’s demeanor, how he stood and walked and said hello, told Sokka of the deep pain his brother-in-law harbored. And yet, here he was, still helping him. 

“...Maybe set the pictures aside.” Sokka was the first to break down and speak. “I can’t put them up yet, I’m not ready. But one day…” He wanted to say more, but he wasn’t sure what. 

“We’ll keep them safe for you.” He felt Aang’s hand on his shoulder. “Whenever you want them, just say the word.” 

Sokka turned to look at him, eyes betraying words that he couldn’t yet speak, but were nevertheless understood. 

That day, he moved into a little apartment near the city centre, with clanking pipes and empty walls. He had no bed yet, and no food in his ramshackle kitchen, so he sat on the floor in a nest of blankets, using one of the smattering of boxes he’d opted to bring along as a table for his cold, greasy dinner and tepid, bitter beer. The sun was setting, and from the drapeless window he watched the square of light it cast into the room creep across the weathered floorboards and up the dingy papered wall. 

Aang and Katara had been willing to let him stay with them longer; the Avatar in particular reminding him that they would have been thrilled if he were to turn his extended stay into a permanent one. The offers always brought on a fresh gush of gratitude and love toward his family, but living on the island trapped him in the same cycle as living at the academy in Yu Dao: both were comfortable distractions that, if never shed, would keep him from ever truly moving on. His new place was depressingly small and overpriced and dirty, but it was _his._ His life. 

He pulled another box toward himself and opened it. The summit began in three days' time, and since his leave of absence on the council had officially ended, a week of nonstop work and playing host to the visiting dignitaries awaited him. That meant dressing the part, and as Katara reminded him several times while she helped fold and box his clothes, he would need to get them hanging the _moment_ he was in the new place so they wouldn’t wrinkle. 

He’d been there for several hours, and, not that he cared, but if he showed up on the first day wearing creased pants he knew the look she’d give him, and he preferred to avoid it. When he was finished he stood staring at his open closet for a time, wondering to himself when the last time was that he’d even _bought_ new clothes. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d thought about going shopping, but standing there looking at his tired wardrobe reminded him of how much he enjoyed it. Once the summit was out of the way, Sokka decided, he would indulge in a day of retail therapy. 

There was a knock at the door. Aang again probably, he thought, bringing by something he’d forgotten that could have just as easily waited until morning. He suspected that his brother-in-law and sister would be finding a myriad of excuses to drop by during the coming weeks. Before he answered the door, he reminded himself that it was just their way of showing that they cared. 

“I went by your old place, and the new lady of the house said you’d moved. I didn’t think you’d gone completely off the deep end, but _man_ , Snoozles, this place is a dump.” 

Sokka wasn’t sure that he’d ever seen Toph wear her hair down outside of her house before. It was longer than he remembered, swept over her shoulder and falling nearly to her waist. She stood with her hands on her hips, an eyebrow raised as she looked up towards him. His first thought after the shock of seeing her again was of how beautiful she looked. 

_No_ . He silently reminded himself, pushing the observation to the back of his mind. _we aren’t going there._

“Well?” Are you going to let me in?” 

He barely stepped aside when she pushed past, going straight to the beers sitting on his counter and popping the top off a bottle with her metalbending. “Gross,” She said, making a face as she took a sip. 

He wanted to make a snarky comment- _Sure, Toph, help yourself,_ or _Normally I’d take a girl out to dinner first, but yeah, you can come in_ , but even though the ideas for a retort came to him easily, none felt right to say. “...What are you doing here?” 

“The summit, meathead.” She took a seat on one of his boxes. “Diplomatic leaders from all over the work meeting to discuss the future of the republic? You’re supposed to be hosting it?” 

“Yes, Toph, I know about the summit.” He closed the door and turned to her. “But what are you doing _here?_ ”

“I thought that would be obvious.” She set the bottle down beside her. “It’s time we talk about that kiss you laid on me before you ran out of my house and didn’t speak to me for three months, don’t you agree?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again I'm sorry this chapter doesn't have much Tokka and it's not very long, but I hope you like it anyways! As always comments are warmly welcomed <3


	5. Chapter 5

“I was confused.” Sokka leaned against the kitchen counter across from Toph, a fresh beer in hand. He knew she couldn’t see where he looked, but still he had trouble meeting her eyes while he spoke. “We’d been together all summer, so I was feeling close to you, and we were all pushed up together while we were dancing, and…” He sighed, “I just missed how it felt to be with someone like that. I was confused. That’s all.” 

“So you don’t have feelings for me?” Toph’s arms were crossed, her eyes narrowed. 

“No.”

“Liar.”

“I’m not!” 

“Maybe you don’t want to be.” She stood from the box. “Spirits, maybe you legitimately don’t think you are. But your body tells a different story.” 

“I-” It was pointless to argue. He _had_ been lying, as much as he wished otherwise. 

“You can talk to me about it, Sokka.” Toph joined him by the counter, and something deep inside of him shuddered. “Feelings or not, I’m still your friend.”

“There isn’t much to talk about, is there?” He asked, “I like you, but it’s confusing, because you’re _you_ , and I’m nowhere near ready to start anything new.” 

“I agree.” She paused to take a sip from her drink. “You aren’t ready. But why run away from me? We talk about everything. I told you about the huge crush I had on you during the war. What makes this so different?” 

“This isn’t something that happened ten years ago. This is now.” The light in the room was quickly fading, and Sokka opened one of his boxes to find a lamp. “Things are so much more complicated, you know?” 

“Believe me, I do.” She waited for him to set up the lamp and come back to a rest at the counter before she continued, “But running away makes it even more so. Let’s get it out in the open and move on.”

“...Fine.” It took him a long time to speak again, and when it did, it was quiet, only just above a whisper. “Over the summer, while I was living with you, part of me started to think of you as more than a friend. Which is scary for me, because I didn’t think I’d ever see anyone that way again.” 

Toph was silent until she was sure he was finished, then said her piece: “I would be lying if I said part of me didn’t have some of the same thoughts. Or that the feelings I had for you when we were kids didn’t come back just a little bit when you kissed me-”

“-You kissed back.” 

“-Don’t interrupt me.” She silenced him, but returned to his comment. “I kissed you back, yes. But my feelings aren’t important here.” She must have sensed that he’d opened his mouth to speak, to interrupt her, because she continued at full force. “They aren’t. Not while you’re trying to heal. I could want you so much that it hurts- and I’m not saying that I do, because I don’t- but I am not going to act on it until _you_ say the word.” 

He looked at her as she finished, and his breath caught in his throat. _Spirits, why did she have to be so wonderful?_ To the rest of the world she was tough and abrasive. This other, more understanding side of her felt like a gift that he considered himself so privileged to receive. He was a storm of thoughts and emotions, each one moving too fast for him to catch and pick apart clearly. But Toph was here, in front of him, finally something tangible after he’d spent a season vacillating between mourning Suki and missing her. 

All day, he’d been saying that he was trying to move on. 

“The word.” He meant to speak with a joking tone, but it came out strangled and tight. 

“What?” She turned to face him fully, shaking her bangs out of her eyes. 

“I am never going to be over Suki.” His confidence began to grow, and the words came easier. “Hell, I’m not over _Yue_ , and I knew her for a month when I was fifteen. I don’t get over people. That isn’t who I am. But I can’t feel this badly forever. I just can’t, I won’t make it. And Suki wouldn’t want that for me, either. So if we both feel the same way, Toph, I think we should give it a shot.” 

He leaned in to put his lips to hers, to lift her up and drink her in, but instead of sinking into her warmth he was met with a small hand pressed against his chest. “No, Sokka.”

The small, hopeful flame inside his chest snuffed out. When he looked at her, she stepped back. 

“Five minutes ago, you were saying that you’re nowhere near ready for that.” Her voice was slow, measured. Intoxicating, even when neither of them wanted it to be. “And that you were confused, and everything was too complicated. You didn’t just suddenly understand your feelings. You _want_ to, because things would be easier, and we could be together if you did.” 

“No-”

“Stop. You know I’m right, you just don’t want to hear it.” It was a hard truth, but a truth just the same. She finished her beer, taking her time with the last few drinks, and sat the empty bottle aside. “I shouldn’t have told you how I felt. It made things more confusing for you, which is the last thing you need right now.”

“Toph-” Her words were resolute, but all the years of being her friend made it obvious to him that there was more she wanted to say. 

“The next time you kiss me,” She said, “I want it to be the only thing that’s on your mind. If you need to talk, I’m staying on the island. But talking is the _only_ thing we’ll be doing. I’ll see you at the opening ceremonies.” 

And just like he had run out of her house before she could say anything more, she was here doing the same thing, the door shutting behind her and leaving him in a hollow silence. 

He didn’t see her again, like she’d indicated, until the opening ceremonies for the summit. He sat with the rest of the council, sweating under his tunic in the overcrowded hall, searching the sea of people for Aang and Katara. When he spotted her she was with the latter, talking about something he couldn’t hear while they searched the rows of tables for the seats assigned to them. She seemed to not notice him at first in the jumble of bodies moving about the room, Sokka thought, but he knew that as she moved closer to the dais where he sat she would sense his presence before he could say hello. 

Aang was a few steps behind them with Bumi, who, in an uncharacteristic display of shyness, clung to his father’s robes and buried his face in their russet-colored folds. The boy lit up, though, when Sokka’s eyes met with the Avatar’s, who leaned in and whispered to his son, pointing toward the dais up at him. 

He waved at his nephew, but quickly redirected his attention back to where he’d first spotted Toph with Katara just seconds before. But the earthbender had already gone, leaving just his sister, standing and waiting for her family to catch up. 

The room was vast, packed from the front row to the back wall, and with everyone taking their seats he knew spotting Toph, with her diminutive stature, would be like finding a coin in a hayfield. He was still searching for her when the speeches started, but he was sure he knew exactly where he was. It wasn’t until after the ceremonies, when the assembly was reconfiguring into smaller groups for breakout meetings, that he located her again. She was with Lao, and the two of them were arguing.

Even as an adult, Toph was a full head shorter than her father. But just like it had been when she was a girl, her personality seemed to dwarf his, her confidence making him appear weak in comparison. Both father and daughter were red faced as they whispered furiously to one another, gesticulating in, Sokka noticed, distinctly similar ways that clearly marked them as relatives. He watched them squabble until Min found him and directed him to his own breakout group with the other South Pole representatives, and then she was lost to him again.

He thought it would be simple, between himself, Katara, their father, Bato, and Malina, choosing a favorite nominee from the list of proposed names. As the smallest of the nations, their breakout group had the fewest members, so he assumed reaching consensus wouldn’t take much time at all. But it only meant each of them, with their own strong, differing opinions, had more time to argue. 

Katara, who made her case while she chased Bumi in endless circles around the table, thought Tienhai was the obvious choice. “It’s simple.” She said as she finally gave up on the pursuit and dropped into a chair. “This city was built on sacred ground. Its name should honor and recognize that.” 

“Katara, I know that Lady Tienhai is important to Aang’s culture-” Sokka started, but she cut him off to continue with her argument.

“Bumi is half Air Nomad, too, remember? And since that culture is only represented by the two of them, I feel inclined to advocate for it.” 

“Which is _great_ , and I agree with you, but Cranefish is an amalgamation of different cultures from around the world. Honestly? I don’t think the change needs to be dramatic at all. Cranefish Town should just become Cranefish City. People already know it, and the maps won’t have to all be changed.” 

“But then what marks the beginning of a new era?” That was Malina, whose assertion elicited glares from both of her stepchildren. “The new name should symbolize progress, not stagnation.”

“Of course the woman who tried to colonize her sister tribe in the name of _progress_ would think that.” Katara said tersely. 

“Malina has a point.” Hakoda defended her as he caught his grandson mid stride and swept him up into his lap. “Personally, I’m partial to Republic City. It’s secular, to the point, and representative of the new nation. Bato, what do you think?” 

It took them hours to come to an agreement. In the end, the smallest group took the longest to decide. By the end of the day, there were three final choices for the city’s new name: Republic City, Bay City, and, to Katara’s satisfaction, Tienhai; Aang, who spend the day floating between the groups to mediate and offer counsel, had won over the North Pole group, it seemed. 

It was announced that a vote for the winner would take place the following day, and they adjourned for the night. Sokka stood and stretched his legs, waving to Katara as she walked out with Aang, who carried a sleeping Bumi on his back. The first day had gone well, he thought. Even if his own pick had been struck down he was satisfied with the final choices for the city’s name. And, he hadn’t yet run into Zuko. He knew before weeks end they would have to speak, and just the thought of the confrontation was enough to send him hiding in the nearest broom closet. 

“Hey.” The voice caught him off guard, but unlike the one he was thinking about, it wasn’t unwelcome. Toph stood at the foot of the dais, her arms crossed in front of her. If she’d appeared angry before, when he’d seen her with her father, she was irate now. He wondered what exactly had transpired between them during the Earth Kingdom’s breakout session. _Fucking Lao_. He couldn’t stand the man. 

“Hey.” He said back. After their exchange in his apartment, he thought it best to let her steer the conversation. 

“I need a drink, and you look like you could use one, too.” She said, getting straight to the point. “You got a favorite bar around here, or should we just walk until we find one?” 

* * *

Sokka could tell there was something wrong beyond just anger from the way Toph stood. 

There was a certain affect about her, the way she held her shoulders and how her jaw clenched, her lips pressed together in a pensive scowl. She said nothing while they walked side by side to a ramshackle tavern down a tangle of shabby streets that narrowed into alleys cast over with towering shadows. 

The bar, like Toph’s demeanor, was filled with a tense contemplation that held steady in the faces of the grizzled patrons. They stood huddled around tables beneath dim, flickering lamps, scowling as the newcomers entered the room and crossed to the bar. If the earthbender noticed their contempt though, she ignored it. 

“Shots.” She said to the surly barkeep. “I don’t care of what. Make it cheap, and make it strong.” 

The amber liquid was served in a pair of glasses that were coated on all surfaces with a suspicious film. Sokka frowned as he picked it up, and wondered when the last time was that the dishes had met a bar of soap, but the whiskey, harsh and cheap as ever, tasted just the same going down. The alcohol would kill anything dangerous on contact, he rationalized. 

Something in Toph’s eyes dared him to speak, to ask what interaction between her and her much reviled father had led her to feel as stormy as she did. Instead though, he waited. The explanation would come, he was sure. She ordered two more shots.

“Leave the bottle.” She said, and the whiskey continued to flow. 

“Toph,” He laid his hand over hers as she gripped the glass to pour them a third round. Her nails, bitten down and scruffy as they were, had marked little crescent lines on the bases of her palms. “I had a long day, too, but not _‘three shots within five minutes of getting to the bar_ ’ long. What’s going on?”

“Nothing. Can’t a girl unwind? You know my nose has been to the grindstone with the academy lately. I don’t exactly have time to relax in Yu Dao.” The whiskey sloshed around the bottle’s glass walls as she jerked it away from him. 

“I saw you with your Dad-”

“If you can even call him that.”

“Hey.” He took the shot that she slid his way, but held off on drinking it. She did no such thing. From the other end of the bar, the old man watched them from the corner of his eye as he wiped out a beer mug with a grimy rag. “I’m trying to be a friend here. Please tell me why you’re upset.” 

“I can’t.” He heard her throat tighten as she spoke.

“Why not?” 

“Because it’s stupid.”

“I don’t think you being upset is stupid at all.” He tried to move the bottle away from her again, but she was quicker. “Why do you think that?” 

“Because Suki _died_ , Sokka.” She seemed somehow both reluctant and desperate to speak at the same time. “You lost the love of your life, and you’re still _really_ messed up about it- don’t tell me you aren’t, I can tell when you lie.” 

She was right, of course. There wasn’t a point to arguing. But the last time he’d seen her, when he left Yu Dao, someone saying what had happened in such plain words would have been enough to send him to a fugue state that could last for hours or even days. It still stung, but now he managed to stay grounded without much of a fight. 

“So what about Suki?”

“I can’t have stupid problems around you, okay?” Her hand tightened around the bottle, and for a moment Sokka thought it might splinter in her grip. “You need your people to be strong for you right now, and I’m not going to let _Lao_ being a ferret-faced _asshole_ get in the way of that. It doesn’t matter.” 

“But it does matter.” He let his hand fall on her shoulder, and she shrugged it off. “My life has been all about Suki, that much is true. But everyone else’s lives go on,” He thought about Katara, and how being there for each other when he’d first arrived in the city had done both of them so much good. “And I want to be a part of them, for better or worse. Your problems mean something to me, Toph. Let me help. Or, at least let me listen.” 

She sighed, ragged and slow, her bangs lifting from her forehead as she exhaled. She turned her empty shot glass over a few times in her hand, then placed it, upside down, on the bar. “Earth Rumble.” She finally said. 

“What about Earth Rumble?” Sokka hadn’t thought about the tournament in years; in his youth he’d made a perennial trip to watch his friend wipe the floor with hubristic men twice her size, but all the years and responsibilities carried her away from the competition, and thus him, too. Besides, the earth only sport had fallen out of fashion- it seemed that the talk amongst the old fans was now only on the newfangled pro-bending. 

“It’s going bankrupt.” She said, “The Boulder told me the last time we ran into each other. They just can’t sell tickets, not when the pro-benders tour through. So they’re closing up shop at the end of the year.” 

“Shit, Toph, I’m sorry.” To some it might have seemed trivial, to be so sad about the end of a sporting competition, but Sokka knew exactly how much Earth Rumble meant to her. The badgermoles might have taught her to earthbend, but it was in that dilapidated stadium she had learned to fight- to become _the Blind Bandit._

“It could have been saved.” She continued, “I told them to write to my father, ask him for a loan. Dump some money into publicity, and upgrade the facilities. I wrote him too. I couldn’t just stand by and do nothing while my friends went broke. But he never wrote either of us back. Completely ignored the letters. I didn’t hear from him at all until I saw him this morning.” 

“And?” Sokka knew where it was going, but he was afraid if he didn’t ask Toph would quit talking and go back to the whiskey. 

“He didn’t even mention it at all until I brought it up!” Her palm slammed flat onto the bar with a thud, drawing the stares of the men gathered at the table behind them. She drew herself up to her fullest height, pulled her face into a pinched, stoic frown as she did her best impersonation of Lao. “ _It would be foolish to invest in a failing business. I thought you smarter than to ask, so I felt as though I didn’t need to grace your inquiry with a response_.” 

“What an _ass_.”

“That’s what I’m saying! I put a lot of effort into my proposal! He could have single handedly sponsored the relaunch Earth Rumble! Gotten in at the ground level and taken it worldwide! It was a smart investment, he just didn’t want to help because it ruined _me_.”

“You aren’t ruined, though.” Sokka thought about touching her shoulder again. He didn’t, though. She was fired up now. “You’re the best earthbender on the planet. You helped end the war, and save the whole earth kingdom, _including him_ , from a fiery death. You _invented_ metalbending, and you founded a world class school for it. And you’re only twenty two fucking years old! How the hell is that ruined?”

Toph shook her head bitterly, barking out a laugh as she flipped her glass back over to pour another shot. “None of those things matter to him. I’m not the prim lady of Earth Kingdom nobility, so I’ve stained the Beifong reputation.”

“You’ve made it better, is what you’ve done.”

“Better than he ever did!”

“That’s right.” They clinked glasses, and whiskey spilled over their fingers as they tossed it back. 

Her mood seemed to improve a bit after she unburdened herself, but still, she was quiet. What remained after talking about her fight with her father was, ostensibly, the conversation they’d had in his apartment earlier in the week. It had been brought to the forefront of Sokka’s mind on a tidal wave of dark liquor, and he was sure it was on hers, too. 

There was nothing else to say, though. He wanted her. He wasn’t ready. Both of them knew that, so they weren’t going to touch it. 

“Hey.” A voice, not Toph’s, broke the silence behind him. “You’re councilman Sokka, aren’t you?” 

“Yes, I am.” Out of duty, he turned to smile at the man and shake his hand, but internally he groaned. He had been a politician all day, he’d hoped the hole in the wall tavern would be a respite from the job. “What can I do for you?” 

“How about get me my _fucking_ business back, for starters?”

It could have been the shock. More likely, it was the whiskey. The stranger’s blow to Sokka’s jaw landed with a lightning quickness before he or Toph had time to react, knocking him from the barstool. He felt his head collide with the bar as he went down, and the shot glass shatter beneath his hand as he put it down to catch himself on the floor. 

He leapt back to his feet, but Toph was faster. She seized the stool Sokka had been sitting in, and had it poised to strike the assailant over his head by the time he was off the ground. The man, with his glaring dark eyes and pockmarked visage, was undeterred. 

“While _you_ were running off to the damned _spirits_ know where on your little months long soul-search, the economy in this city has gone to shit.”

Sokka’s vision was blurred. Blood dripped from his cut hand onto the bar’s stone floors, a crimson pool blooming at his feet. Still, he raised a hand to stop Toph from bringing the barstool down on his head. “Tell me more.” 

“It’s your sister. Little nepotism fairy princess.” The jab would have been enough to make a younger Sokka lunge for the man’s throat, but in front of constituents, he was always at work. So he settled for a twitch of his unbloodied hand. 

“If her minimum wage plan hurt my company, the tax bill she got passed to put a charity hospital in every major city in the republic fucking _buried_ it. I’m a hardworking guy. I _show up_ to my job every day,” He said this with a pointed glare. “And I lost everything for the bums who _don’t_ , because the head bum ran away and left a fucking bleeding heart _bitch_ in charge.”

“Sokka?” Toph’s voice was the only thing keeping him from blacking out entirely, and he clung to it. As much as every cell in his body screamed at him to knock the man’s lights out, he couldn’t. Toph, on the other hand, didn’t have any elections to win, or people to please. He had only begun to lower his arm when she sprung into action. 

The barstool came crashing down, a leg breaking off as it met with the man’s skull. The floor shifted beneath him, and suddenly the attacker found himself knee deep in the flagstones. That was enough to send the rest of the bar into chaos, and anything Sokka did he chalked up to self defense. After all, capable as she was, he couldn’t let Toph fight alone. 

The brawl was quick. Someone was a waterbender, and the murky contents of the bucket the barkeep had been using to wash his dishes streamed through the room in a razor sharp whip, zipping within inches of Sokka’s face before a flick of Toph’s wrist sent the bender to the ground. 

Someone boxed his right ear. He hit back without looking, and his fist felt the nose it ran into crack beneath it. The strangers’ blood commingled with his own, his palm stung inside his curled fist. He heard more glass break behind him, and he turned to block a charging man with holding out a jagged bottle. Like always, though, Toph was there, and met him with a kick to the chest. 

Deep breaths, and pained groans. Those were the sounds permeating the destroyed barroom. The four men who had stayed for the fight, crumpled on the ground, trapped by the earth beneath them. Blood pounded in Sokka’s ears, his thoughts raced too quickly for him to catch or focus on any one of them. 

“You good, Snoozles?” Toph spoke in his direction, but her eyes, as always, were unfocused. Her lips were curled into a smirk, and for some reason, it made his heart flutter. 

“I’m good.” He affirmed, nodding slowly as he surveyed the damage. 

“Both of you, get the fuck out of here!” It was the most the barkeep had spoken all night. His voice was more shrill than Sokka expected, a strident wail. When Toph laughed, he could only follow her lead. 

“I mean it!” He pointed at the door, every part of his body trembling.

“We know! We’re going. Sorry about the bar.” Toph stepped over the fight’s initial instigator toward the door. “Oh, you can send the invoice for the repairs to Lao Beifong, at Earthen Fire Industries.”

The night was dark, with no moon or stars to be seen overhead. It was one of the first nights of the season where a frozen chill set deep in the air, and steam rose off their heavy breaths as they stumbled through the web of alleyways, trying to find their way back to the city’s main roads. 

“That was amazing.” Sokka said as he pulled her to a stop. They were going further from where they wanted, he thought. He didn’t recognize any of the buildings around them. “Did you see? No no no no, that’s stupid, you didn’t, but you were there! You took all those guys out! And you didn’t even have to try! You’re the most badass in the fucking _world_ , Toph Beifong. The _world_.” 

“I won’t pretend I’m not _loving_ this.” Toph’s chest puffed, and she grinned. “Because it’s true. And those guys fucking deserved it. Nobody gets to call Sugar Queen a bitch except for me. Katara fucking _rocked_ that interrim councilwoman shit and they know it.”

“And then you _rocked_ their shit.” Sokka realized that he _might_ have been feeling the effects of the whiskey a bit stronger than he’d initially thought. “Ha. Get it? Rocks. You’re an earthbender.” 

“Very funny, Meathead.” She punched him in the arm, but instead of pulling back her fist right away it loosened, and slid down until it fell in with his hand, and stayed there. “That really turned my night around, you know?” Then, after a pause, “The fight, I mean.”

“Yeah,” He said, “The fight.” 

“Sokka.” 

When had they gotten so close together? He could feel her body in the dark, warm against him even underneath her velvety cape. Suddenly, it was summer again, and they were under the twinkling lights in the academy’s training yard, red-cheeked and swaying to a warbling band. This time, though, he felt no wrong, no urge to run. 

It was stupid. He wasn’t ready, they both knew he wasn’t ready. They’d agreed on it just days before. But she fit so perfectly in his arms, and when he held her close, his throbbing hand didn’t seem to hurt as much. 

_Stupid, stupid, stupid._

That was what he thought as he kissed her. But as much as the argument persisted, it wasn’t what he felt. He wanted all of her, his emotional state be damned. She was more intoxicating than the whiskey ever could have been. 

“Where are we going?” He whispered against her forehead as they broke apart. He wondered if the hunger was quite as obvious in his voice as it was in how he felt. Of course it was. This was Toph, she knew.

“I told you, I’m staying at the island, so-”

“My place.”

“Your place.”

“Right.” 

He wasn’t sure that either of them knew the way- her more than him, with her seismic sense, he assumed. But they figured it out together, traipsing through the labyrinth of alleyways and somehow managing to find Sokka’s little shoebox of an apartment before the dawn came. Inside they warmed each other against the night’s bitter cold, just two bodies moving together in the dark. 

It wasn’t until after, as they lay together sticky with sweat in the tangled nest of blankets, chests rising and falling in ragged unison, that the panic began to set in. He hoped Toph was asleep, or otherwise unable to discern his racing heart from the tidal wave of adrenaline that had been rushing through his veins since they’d left the bar, as the thought he’d been continuously batting away started to echo through his mind, louder with each repetition.

_Spirits, what did we just do?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> asfd;jlak i'm sorry i took so long to update this!!! I've had most of this chapter written for days now but it wasn't quite long enough for my taste so I had to figure out what exactly it still needed. Plus I got distracted by other projects because I'm a monster lmfao.  
> Anyways, I'm really having a good time writing the whole gaang together in the city. Stay tuned for some resolution to the Zuko situation and more angst, because there's truly never enough of it. You guys are all awesome for reading!!! Leave me a comment and let me know what you thought!

**Author's Note:**

> Like I said in the description, this is a companion piece to one of my other works, "those quiet, chilly mornings"  
> It absolutely killed me to write but here we are. I promise eventually it'll hurt less! Comments are always appreciated.


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